finally amazed

the past few days.

2008-06-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

Eph. 6:12 "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world."

Ps. 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

In the past couple days, I've realized more than ever what a spiritual battle we're in the middle of. I've known that since I started going to True Vine/Gamaliel's Council, but it's so much more real to me now. Never have I been attacked so strongly and frequently... I feel like every time I turn around, I'm rebuking another demon and praying to God for strength. I guess Satan knows how much more of a "threat" I'll be to him once I move out (73 days) because he's working overtime as I get closer to that day. It definitely doesn't help that I'd been slacking off in the disciplines so I wasn't on my guard like I should be. Well, Satan's been telling me all sorts of lies-many of which are about me and Chris- and causing all sorts of anxiety. Once I'd been turned into a somewhat nervous wreck, I got this massive headache. I didn't think much about it because it's pretty common for me to get one when a storm front comes through, like it was on that day. I went to bed and the headache went away, but came back worse shortly after I woke up. I mentioned it to Chris, and he said to pray over it, so I did...turns out it wasn't from the storm front. It took ten minutes of intense prayer and rebuking to make it go away. After that I was exhausted, but thankfully I haven't been attacked since. That was yesterday, and needless to say I've been much more consistent in my disciplines since all this started a few days ago. I guess I needed a wake-up call to get me back on track! I do know that this whole battle is much more "real" to me now.. but hey, that's a good indicator that I'm doing something right.

This seems like a good way to end this post: "Now to Him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages but has now been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations, according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith- to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen." - Romans 16:25-27

No, I haven't disappeared off the face of the planet :)

2008-05-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I haven't posted in forever. So here's a quick synopsis of what's happened in the last few months:
1. Graduated High School!!! (Yay, I'm on to greater things!)
2. I'm now free from my anxiety for the most part. (Take that, Satan!)
3. I registered for classes at LU. I'm taking 17 credits this fall but a couple are really easy classes. So hopefully I'll stay sane ;) I'll find out in June who my roomie is...that's gonna be a good experience for my somewhat-shy self. But hey, the bubble's gotta pop sometime. Haha.
4. I'm not totally sure what, but God's been "poking" me about something that's gonna happen this fall when I start at LU. It's really exciting to know He's got a plan for me when I get there! The hardest part now is waiting to find out what :)
5. I got a laptop for school. (Cool, but not so exciting compared to some of the things I just listed!)
6. God confirmed my spiritual gifts- I'm a mix of exhorter, pastor, and mercy.

Of course, there's been so many other things happening but those are some of the major things. As always, I've been spending a lot of my time with Chris, at work, GC, devos, working out,...etc. I'm not doing anything over the summer except the usual, but working more hours and *going back out to the stable to ride for the summer!!!* So I'll try to post more often now that I have more time to...but for now I'm gonna try to sleep since it's 2 am. Oh, and I got a new email address so send anything to soleado.cielos@gmail.com now. See ya!

There's something to be said for waiting...

2008-01-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

In the past month and a half it's seemed like my life at the moment is really coming together. A huge source of worry for me was where I'd go to college, and being a senior, of course that's something people asked me all the time! And then there was my job situation...it wasn't long before I got so bored with working at DSW. My energetic, high-capacity nature couldn't handle straightening up shoe boxes for five hours at a time! So those two issues were really a burden to me. I started praying often for God to somehow show me a way to get outta where I was. Well, it wasn't long before I got an invitation to Lindenwood's open house day. I went to that, and decided I really liked the school! At the end of the program they looked at my academic record and said I could go there for $2,600 per year- that's including room/board, meal plans, etc. Soon after I decided to take them up on that offer, I realized what a gift from God it was. It's a smaller school, close to home, and I won't need crazy student loans or anything. What a relief to have that taken care of! And then about a month ago, I started looking for a new job. After a couple days of hearing "Well, we're not hiring right now but we can keep your application for up to six months..." I was about ready to give up. On my way home, I figured I'd stop by Bread Co as a last resort. I talked to one of the managers and decided to apply there. The next day, she called and wanted to set up an interview. They said I was hired and could start after job training; wouldn't ya know, the training day was within a few days of when my two weeks' notice at DSW would end. I've worked at Bread Co for a few weeks now and I love it! It's the perfect job for me; it keeps me busy, I didn't take a pay cut, my managers are awesome, and they work around my schedule. You can't imagine how incredibly grateful I am for God's provision I've seen lately in my life. It's so reassuring- I had a hard time at first trusting God to take care of things in His time. But I did, and He gave me what I thought would be fairly impossible to have. I'm really glad He knows what He's doing :)

The Greatness of His Might

2007-10-16T11:21:00.001-07:00

I was reading today, and while flipping to the page where I'd left off the day before, this verse caught my eye:

"Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of His might; and because He is strong in power, not one is missing." -Isaiah 40:26

That verse is talking about the stars- how there are so many of them, but He knows about every single one of them. It made me think about how, even though I feel so insignificant at times, God made individual plans for me. Even though there are 7 billion other people in the world, He won't forget about me and the things He's called me to do. He has plans to use me for His glory- that's definitely a motivation to listen to what He's telling me and follow through with those plans!

Day off!

2007-09-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Today's gonna be relaxing- nothing happening for a change! :) The last couple weeks have gone by really fast. School is ridiculously easy, and Spanish is always fun. There's more of an emphasis on conversation and stuff so we get to talk.. a lot. Which I like- gotta get those 20,000 words a day in somehow! My favorite thing by far though is hanging out with Chris- I think that's a given! Now that we're busier, the time we do get to hang out is more special:) Work is going great, too. A lot of the chicks quit to go back to college, so I feel like one of the more experienced people now that there's all these new people working with me! I've gotten some weekday hours too, not just weekends. So much easier... I'm scheduled to close on Monday, though. Kinda ironic that I'm gonna be working on Labor Day! Lol. The week after this one should be fun though. We're going to Florida..yay! We're driving, so thank goodness for MP3 players! (5 people in a Buick for a day and a half makes for an interesting drive!) I get to drive some of the way too, so that should be an adventure. I can't wait to get to the beach! Well, that's about it for what's been happening lately. I think I'm gonna get my laundry done today. And maybe clean out the scary mess that I call my closet. Lol. So I'll see ya'll later!

Lately...

2007-07-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been a while since my last blog! During the summer I lose track of time so easily... maybe because I don't have much of a schedule to follow! I'm in for a shock when school starts in a few weeks- Senior Year!! Woo-hoo!!! :) I keep thinking about how crazy it's gonna be. Balancing school, work, time with God, Chris, Church, and personal time should be quite a challenge- not to mention possible extra classes at SCC! Whoa buddy...

The year's gonna go by so fast. I can't wait to finish "growing up" but there's still a small part of me that wishes I could stay this age for a while longer. Well, make that a very small part. Not having a curfew would be nice. :P But after this year I'll be a college kid.. oh man. Leaving the high school phase is gonna be exciting. And college could potentially go by quick if I can test out of some classes. (Yay for beating the system!) Wow, I'm getting ahead of myself! But this is the kind of stuff I think about when I get bored during the slow summer months. For now I'm just lovin' relaxing, spending time with Chris, hanging out with the Church, and getting back into the habit of being with God. Sounds like a good time, huh? :)

cheerful faces and boredom

2007-06-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

I went to church today at its main campus to see Rachel sing at the end. It was the first time going there since our Training last weekend, and proved to be drastically different from True Vine, and not just because I don't like big crowds. But I knew it would be; that wasn't the shock.

As I took my seat in the balcony with my family, watching the band play the intro to the service, my eyes began to wander. Scanning the crowd, I saw so much superficiality. It really bugs me how everyone puts on their "church" face to seem all cheerful. Seeing all these "perfect" people made me feel like an outcast, like I was the only one with problems. I realized, that's why everyone acts so fake. Everyone feels the same way, and puts on a facade to conform to the other faces in the crowd. What would it be like if nobody felt pressured to be perfect, if they could go and talk with other people without fear of rejection?

During "worship" I saw so little of the enthusiasm to Worship that comes from awe of God. The vocal team and crowd just stood there motionless as they sang; the band looked completely bored, except for one guy whose guitar wasn't even turned up. That's how I used to think worship went- and I was bored stiff! I wish other people knew what a joy it is to really Worship God. I can't wait for next week, when I lead worship in the Jr. and Sr. High services. I'll be praying that God spreads that enthusiasm and desire to Worship through me. For once I'm actually looking forward to it! (Now I just have to learn to beat those stupid nerves...)

beginnings

2007-06-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

So this is my first blog..but I guess that's kind of obvious. :) I figured this way, I can stay in touch with my True Vine family and get my thoughts written out!

My blog title explains where I am right now. I've been waiting for the last 16 years for God to surprise me, to challenge me and change me into the person He wants me to be. Over the last 2 weekends of Training, He finally did. I saw Him move and work more over those few days than in my whole life combined. I was thinking the other day, "Why didn't I experience this sooner?" I guess the answer to that is, because I never opened myself up to Him enough for Him to amaze me! And wow, when I let Him take over, He didn't disappoint me. It was so incredible to be completely transformed by my God. After a lifetime of mountain-top highs and having a mediocre relationship with the One who saved me, it's so awesome to feel connected to Him. He's no longer the "story book" God that Sunday school curriculums attempt to portray. He's my Daddy- my tangible, living God.

One other thing- I'll be the first to admit that I'm human. I need you guys to help keep me accountable and on track. And correct me if I'm wrong or confused... which could happen a lot. :)