cheerful faces and boredom

I went to church today at its main campus to see Rachel sing at the end. It was the first time going there since our Training last weekend, and proved to be drastically different from True Vine, and not just because I don't like big crowds. But I knew it would be; that wasn't the shock.

As I took my seat in the balcony with my family, watching the band play the intro to the service, my eyes began to wander. Scanning the crowd, I saw so much superficiality. It really bugs me how everyone puts on their "church" face to seem all cheerful. Seeing all these "perfect" people made me feel like an outcast, like I was the only one with problems. I realized, that's why everyone acts so fake. Everyone feels the same way, and puts on a facade to conform to the other faces in the crowd. What would it be like if nobody felt pressured to be perfect, if they could go and talk with other people without fear of rejection?

During "worship" I saw so little of the enthusiasm to Worship that comes from awe of God. The vocal team and crowd just stood there motionless as they sang; the band looked completely bored, except for one guy whose guitar wasn't even turned up. That's how I used to think worship went- and I was bored stiff! I wish other people knew what a joy it is to really Worship God. I can't wait for next week, when I lead worship in the Jr. and Sr. High services. I'll be praying that God spreads that enthusiasm and desire to Worship through me. For once I'm actually looking forward to it! (Now I just have to learn to beat those stupid nerves...)

beginnings

So this is my first blog..but I guess that's kind of obvious. :) I figured this way, I can stay in touch with my True Vine family and get my thoughts written out!

My blog title explains where I am right now. I've been waiting for the last 16 years for God to surprise me, to challenge me and change me into the person He wants me to be. Over the last 2 weekends of Training, He finally did. I saw Him move and work more over those few days than in my whole life combined. I was thinking the other day, "Why didn't I experience this sooner?" I guess the answer to that is, because I never opened myself up to Him enough for Him to amaze me! And wow, when I let Him take over, He didn't disappoint me. It was so incredible to be completely transformed by my God. After a lifetime of mountain-top highs and having a mediocre relationship with the One who saved me, it's so awesome to feel connected to Him. He's no longer the "story book" God that Sunday school curriculums attempt to portray. He's my Daddy- my tangible, living God.

One other thing- I'll be the first to admit that I'm human. I need you guys to help keep me accountable and on track. And correct me if I'm wrong or confused... which could happen a lot. :)