I went to church today at its main campus to see Rachel sing at the end. It was the first time going there since our Training last weekend, and proved to be drastically different from True Vine, and not just because I don't like big crowds. But I knew it would be; that wasn't the shock.
As I took my seat in the balcony with my family, watching the band play the intro to the service, my eyes began to wander. Scanning the crowd, I saw so much superficiality. It really bugs me how everyone puts on their "church" face to seem all cheerful. Seeing all these "perfect" people made me feel like an outcast, like I was the only one with problems. I realized, that's why everyone acts so fake. Everyone feels the same way, and puts on a facade to conform to the other faces in the crowd. What would it be like if nobody felt pressured to be perfect, if they could go and talk with other people without fear of rejection?
During "worship" I saw so little of the enthusiasm to Worship that comes from awe of God. The vocal team and crowd just stood there motionless as they sang; the band looked completely bored, except for one guy whose guitar wasn't even turned up. That's how I used to think worship went- and I was bored stiff! I wish other people knew what a joy it is to really Worship God. I can't wait for next week, when I lead worship in the Jr. and Sr. High services. I'll be praying that God spreads that enthusiasm and desire to Worship through me. For once I'm actually looking forward to it! (Now I just have to learn to beat those stupid nerves...)
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3 comments:
I think it is awesome that your eyes have been opened to the problem and you have been empowered to be a part of the solution. God has placed you in the position you are in and you are right to look forward to having an opportunity to share what you have learned and to share your new passion for God with others. It is only in a humble state where our imperfections are revealed and confronted that we can truly worship God.
I recall the parable of the Pharisee and the publican in Luke 18. I too want to see the whole Church fall to their knees in brokeness and receive the power of God to heal their lives. This movement is not about growing True Vine but rather about growing God’s kingdom.
I will be praying for you and your nerves. You are an awesome and talented woman and have no need to be nervous.
I tried to comment earlier, but I guess it didn't work.
Don't let the stained glass masquerade get to you too much. If you know what God wants you to do there, then you are miles and miles ahead of everyone else around you. I know that you, personally have the ability to be very real and warm to people-- ues it! Even if you are able to really share your life and the life of Christ with ONE person in your surroundings, it's worth it.
And while God has you in this wilderness((I've been there, too!), I'm praying for you. He WILL deliver!
Krissy, remember what you are seeing is truth that many are blinded to.
I'm glad in my heart that you are seeing what really makes Jesus smile.
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